"So if you think you're better, be better" Revisited.9/4/2013 (first Posted)
Why is it socially acceptable to comment on someone’s single status, but definitely not OK to comment on someone’s relationship? There have been many times when someone has said something offensive to me, and I will look at their relationship and wish that I could fire something judgmental back. Some of the people who have said the worst things to me are the ones in the most dysfunctional relationships.
Being single is not a crime and it's definitely not a sickness. I have a great job. I support my family. I can do what I want. I can go places and I buy things with my money. I pay my taxes.
"So if you think you're better, be better".
20 Reasons You Are Not Better Than Anyone Else (www.macmillandictionary.com)
The ever-growing, insatiable need to believe we are better than others is contributing to the downfall of our social fabric.
A quick review of any social networking site and it becomes painfully obvious that our need to show others how we are better is simply overwhelming. There is no reason to feel superior to someone else, yet we continue to do it on a daily basis.
To guard against doing so, ask yourself if you have ever told someone, or believed that you were better than them because…
1. You can practice headstand in the middle of the room.
If standing on your head without support means you are a better person than someone who is unable to do so, doesn’t that violate the most basic principles of yoga? Is that really why you practice?
2. You are a vegan or vegetarian.
Just because you have chosen a specific diet to follow, do you really feel as though you are superior to those who have chosen otherwise?
3. You have a college degree.
All it means is that you have fulfilled certain requirements as set forth by a specific school. Since 7% of the world’s population has a degree, you are statistically an elitist, but do you have to act like it?
4. You have a graduate degree.
All it means is that you have fulfilled even more requirements as set forth by a specific school.
5. You weigh a certain weight.
Really? You really need to feel superior to overweight folks? Wow, good luck traveling down that superficial highway.
6. You go to church every Sunday.
Saying you’re a better person because you go to church is like saying you are a mechanic because youvisit a garage.
7. You have a dysfunctional family.
Can you name one that is perfect? So why even bother using this as a trump card?
8. You overcame health issues.
Yes and so have many people who have never said a word. Do you need to have people feel sorry for you long after you have recovered?
9. You have worked in the same position for more than 20 years.
All it means is that you have worked in the same position for more than 20 years.
10. You send your children to private schools.
All it means is that you can afford, or at least appear to afford, expensive tuition rates.
11. You have a senior-level position.
Your office is bigger and so is your paycheck. If the size of either is directly related to how youtreat others are you aware of it and more importantly, why is that the case?
12. You are a parent.
Yes and so are hundreds of millions of other people around the world. Welcome to the club.
13. You can sing/dance/perform on stage.
All it means is that you have practiced a tremendous amount of time honing your craft.
14. You drive a certain brand of car.
It gets you from point A to point B. Get over it.
15. You wear a certain brand of clothing or use a specific brand of accessories.
There is looking nice and then there is making sure everyone knows you are wearing a specific brand. Why is that important to you?
16. You drink a certain drink.
In what is clearly a first-world problem, several people have told me over the years that their drink makes them special. Unfortunately they were serious. We no longer chat.
17. You have tattoos or piercings.
Congratulations on decorating your body, but please do realize that not everyone wants to do that.
18. You have traveled around the world.
Great. Most people simply do not have the time or resources. Still others do not want to travel.Exactly how does that make you better?
19. You have accomplished everything on your bucket list.
That’s nice. In a previous post I explained why one does not even need a bucket list to live with intention and work with purpose.
20. You root for a certain team.
Oh, please. Do I even have to explain why this is ridiculous?
**
You may be better skilled at one thing. Perhaps you can run faster, sing louder, or play chess better than the next guy. At work, you accomplish things in a more compelling fashion. Competition drives us in our various pursuits.
But does being better at something when compared to others make you a better person? Why do you feel or think that way? More importantly, have you conveyed such feelings or thoughts directly or indirectly to others? Ultimately this comes down to what type of person you are or want to be.
Only you can determine that.
Is Thinking You're Better Than Other People Holding You Back Socially? - (from - succeed socially.com) 9/4/2013
Succeed Socially.com (excerpts)
Is Thinking You're Better Than Other People Holding You Back Socially?
Some lonely and socially awkward people are really sensitive and insecure and feel they're nobodies and that everyone else is so much better than them. Among some others I've noticed a tendency for them to have a different attitude, where they see themselves as a bit above everyone else. There are two sides to this mentality. One is thinking there's something about you that sets you above other people. You think you're smarter, deeper, different, or that you have more evolved beliefs and priorities than them. The other side is seeing everyone else as having a bunch of negative traits, that they're dumb, shallow, and selfish. The result is you feel like you can't relate to other people, like you're cut off from them, and like you're misunderstood and forced to walk your own path through life.
This attitude can also appear as a kind of hostile over-pickiness in who you want to hang around. Some people are too choosy about their friends in a fairly benign way. They have overly high standards, but don't hold any ill will towards people. A more toxic form of pickiness is when you think everyone's an idiot. No matter who you meet, there's always something wrong with them and you never feel anyone is good enough that you'd want to hang around them, let alone be friends with them. You may think you want to have more friends, but whenever you meet new people, or consider the possibility of deepening a relationship with an acquaintance, you find something to make you think twice. No one's perfect, so if you're looking for a reason to write someone off, you'll always find it.
In a shock to no one, I don't think having this view will do you any favors. Your attitude may come through and put people off, or it may cause you to turn away social opportunities.
Reasons someone may come to think they're above other people To some degree everyone feels a little above the crowd sometimes. The world really can be a stupid place, it may be human nature to tend to see yourself as mildly superior, and plenty of people go through phases where they're down on society and their fellow man. However, I think the attitude I mentioned above goes beyond that. Here's my take on some of the dynamics behind this way of thinking:
Ego protection This one isn't a stretch. Thinking you're above other people is a good way for your ego to defend itself from being damaged. It would sting to consider the possibility that you're not doing well socially because you have weak spots and that you've been going about things the wrong way. It feels better to tell yourself things like:
- "It's not me, it's them."
- "I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm a victim of other people's screwed up value systems."
- "I don't fit in because I'm a misunderstood genius."
- "I don't get along with people because I'm so above them that they can't handle me. They're too stupid and obsessed with watching crap on TV for me to have anything in common with them."
- "I can't make friends, and that does bother me, but at least I'm smarter and more deep than everyone else. I'm better off without that crowd." (superiority as a consolation prize).
- "I don't want friends. People suck anyways. You know what, I don't even want to be around anyone." (negativity towards others as a way to knock what you can't have)
Lack of perspective Feeling superior is based on a lack of perspective. Are you probably "above" some people? Sure, but not almost everyone. It's easy to believe you're a different breed when you don't interact with other people that much, or in a meaningful way. If you were around other people more you'd quickly accumulate evidence that you aren't the special flower you believe you are. You'd also quickly learn not everyone is some mindless consumer. Similarly, it's easy to be picky when you don't have many actual friends, and your overly high standards seem reasonable in your head. When you actually hang around the types of people you'd previously have turned away, you realize they're often perfectly fine, and that all the criteria you thought were so important really don't matter.
The relativity of being "better" than someone Feeling that you're above other people is kind of a cheap source of self-esteem because the concept is so vague that anyone can build their own subjective case for why they're superior. They can cherry pick a trait (which they're strong in, naturally), decide it's the real indicator of superiority, and use that as evidence that they're above the masses. A smart person can tell themselves they're 'better' because they're intelligent. A non-intellectual person can say they're 'better' because they're down to earth and have street smarts instead of a head full of useless facts. Someone can also adjust their measure of betterness depending on what group they compare themselves too, so they always come out favorably (compared to regular people they're better because they're smarter, compared to people who are smarter than them they're better because they're more well-rounded, etc.)
Give people a chance, and don't get too high on yourself The point of this article isn't hard to figure out. If you give people the benefit of the doubt, you'll often find that many people are much more layered and interesting than you might have thought at first. Here's an article that goes into more detail about the ways people may seem more shallow than they actually are.